Can we move on past the abuse?

 It has been 9 years since I broke up with my abusive ex, and since he raped me on numerous occasions. It has been 6 years since I've finished with the long 2 year court trial. The trial ended up with the case being.dropped. Unfortunately rapists rarely get the punishment they deserve.I was at work when I found out the case had been dropped.  I was told over a phone call and it  felt like the air had been knocked out of me and I was struggling to stand.  I was upset & in shock- felt like I wasn't believed. I felt betrayed by the system and our society.

  When I was raped, and  during the court trial I felt a lose of control. It made me realise it was time to start focusing on myself - to work towards feeling normal again.  It's hard to imagine now, but at the time it felt unachievable.

I took baby steps and a day at a time. I went for walks with my best friend, reading, writing and little things that made me happy.  Despite the pain & my mind being like a broken record ( playing the same thoughts over & over), I finally felt a sense of relief and felt freer than I had felt all those  years in that relationship. I started to realise just how manipulative and toxic the relationship was.
I started to appreciate the little things, as well as the people who had been by my side supporting me through it.

I became closer to people who used to be acquaintances, who were there for me more than some of my friends had been. Those acquaintances are now some of my best friends, and some of my close friends then are now not even acquaintances. The experience was a learning lesson for me.

I am glad despite what happened I still was able to trust, and learnt who I could and couldn't trust. My self esteem and confidence was low when I met my abuser, and he took advance of that and trampled on it.  The process of healing also increased my self confidence and esteem. It is still something I am working on, but I have come a long way. Now I am finally able to do things because it is what I want to do. I got married a couple years back and there was a time that I thought I could never even trust another guy.

It was a horrible experience, but in the process of healing, I discover a strength in myself I was not aware I had.We may not forget what happened,  and there may be times & moments of weakness, but yes I do think it is possible to move past it. To live a 'normal' life - whatever normal is.